Lord empty me of any selfish pride so I can be more like you. I started this blog after reading Angie's in Bring the Rain about losing her baby. I knew she was helping others in ways she may never know. I have not lost a child, but I have had alot of pain in my life that has been taken away by my father in heaven. I know that I can help others as well. But, I am still learning that there are still things I have not dealt with. Just yesterday I learned that I still am angry. I'm sorry Lord. Please empty me of all that stands in your way of using me the way you want to. It hurts me to know that I show people a side of me that I don't want to. I want that part of me gone. I thought it was. But, there was someone who was strong enough to let me know that I am mean! I don't mean to be and I don't know that I'm sounding that way. It's just the way I talk. But, at the same time it's not. I have to deal with (ME) and find out why I'm sounding like I'm still angry at everyone. God is so awesome. He lets us know even what we don't want to know. It hurts to have to deal with the fact that people think I'm grouchy and mean. I honestly don't feel that way inside. But, apparently I am still dealing with it somewhere, or not dealing with it. God is getting ready to use me and my husband in an awesome way, and I have to be whole. He let me know that I need to purge myself of a pride that says I'm going to get you before you get me. So, I sound mean the way I talk, not meaning to, but still doing so. This makes people think I don't like them and I don't care. This is just a tool of the enemy, Satan. I have to have a heart of compassion to do the work I've been called into. With my voice the way it is now it seems as if I'm not compassionate. But, I am. So, God called me on it. I havc to change this and get rid of that which is in me that is not of God. A grouchy spirit is not of Him. We are called to have the fruit of the spirit which is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Sprit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-26 We are to be like Him. How can we show who He is if we are not walking like Him? He is love, and I have to show that love. I do love everyone, even those who have hurt me. I have compassion for them. My job is to show God's love for mankind so they will want to know Him. Saying I'm happy and in love with the Lord, but being grouchy, people will not want what I have. I'm sorry Father, forgive me. Thank you Lord for showing me what I need to change about myself.
Changing ourselves is the hardest thing to do. It is getting rid of self. The flesh doesn't want to do what is right and good, but the spirit does. We have to look at ourself, and what we do that is not pleasing to the Lord. Looking at yourself hurts. You will cry, I have cried since yesterday. It hurts me that I hurt my Lord. I have asked His forgiveness and I am changing what is in me that causes me to seem like I'm mean.
Gotta go now, see you later Uylonda
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