I wouldn't want to do 2010 over

This has been a year to forget, I mean remember.!! NOT!!! I wouldn't want to do 2010 over, and pray I never have to endure this junk again. One day I will write it all out on here. It won't be to long from now, but not at this moment. My life has been in turmoil for quite a while now, and I am just coming out of the storm. I pray no more. Just this week I have actually felt at peace with how things are starting to look. I know God is in control, and boy have I tested His patience with me in the last year. The devil has thrown so many things in my direction to try and stop my walk with God. I even contemplated some of them. Yes, I have been weak. I still am, but I am getting my strength back. I thank God, that He has not let go of me. We are not worthy of His grace and mercy, but He gives it to us anyway. There have been times this year that I have been so distraught that I would not listen to God. I was so angry and hurt with the ways things were going that I just said not now God. I literally said that. Am I pleased with that? No. Am I ashamed of it? No. I learned a great lesson in the walk I have had with God this year. I am excited to go with the changes that are coming. I have matured in the Lord this year and matured myself this year. We never stop learning as long as we are living if we are open to that opportunity; and I was. I have got to do what I posted in my last post in March of this year. Got to get a grasp of that thing with in me, and change what needs to be changed no matter what. Change for the better is good, and I need that change. Why I have fought it so long I don't know. But, I do know that I don't want to fight that change which needs to be done any more. It is not a coincidence of the things that have happened to get me where I am. I am thankful for it all. I trust in the Lord so much more, and I need to show Him just that. He is waiting on me. I don't have to wait on Him, He just needs to hear me say I am taking that step toward you Lord, and He will run to me when I do. Just like the prodigal son in the bible. He left his father and came back hoping to work as a slave for him, and his father saw him coming home from a long way off and ran to his son. He didn't wait for his son to get there, when he saw him coming home He went to him. The same is true of our Father in Heaven. He will come to us if we just turn to Him. I love Him so, and thank Him for every thing; good and bad. Because His word says, all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord their God. Romans 8:28 And, I love Him so.

Pray for me and I am praying for you, Uylonda

Habits, they keep us where we are.

I haven't written on here in 10 months. I am crying now because I have not had a reason not to. I just let life get in my way. Thinking that no one would want to hear anything I had to say when my life has problems. But you know what? I was wrong. I have talked to people in the last 10 months that needed to hear what I had to say, and thank God I did talk to them because I needed to hear it. Every time we speak of what God has done for us we are doing something good for someone. So, I felt sorry for myself and quit writing. Not gonna do that again :)


So in the last 10 months I have been through a lot, but I am moving on. Anyway; there are things I need to do to better myself, and make myself feel better. I need to loose weight, but it keeps finding me!!!! I know, lame wasn't it? I need to loose weight. I feel bad because of this. I feel bad physically and emotionally. I went to try to buy me something new to wear today, and all I could feel while I was looking at all the clothes was my big belly. Seriously; we had just ate and I felt sick. Not from the food, but from being over weight and miserable. I have needed to loose weight for the last 8 years. Now, I am not huge by any means, but I am to me. I might as well need to loose 100 pounds because what I need to loose is just as hard. I don't know where to start, or let me rephrase that. I don't know how to let go of the things I need to let go of to get started. I know I need to change my HABITS, they are what keeps me where I am. I go to bed every night and say I am going to change in the morning. Morning comes and I say oh I have to do this and this, and it keeps me from doing what I need to really do. I make excuses that is what I do. I have asked God to help me and He does. Then I keep going as if that help isn't even there. Let me explain; I prayed for healing in my body to be able to exercise and I got it. I prayed for the power 90 exercise videos from TV and went to a yard sale and found the entire set for $3.00. Then I prayed for food ideas and found a great video at the store for $1.00. I also found a great website with recipes and food listed in an easy way to read it. I prayed for a free membership to the gym so I could use weights to help strengthen my muscles, and I got it. So; what is my problem? (ME) I am the problem, and until I stop looking at what I am not willing to work to get, I just need to quit whining about being over weight. So tomorrow I am starting over. Please pray for me through this. I don't want to fail, and I don't have any reason to. The only thing keeping me from my goal is ME.

I said that to say this; God wants us to succeed, but we have the power to fail. You know the saying I will when I can get around to it? Well, I had a friend give me a round toit one day. It looks like this O. It's just a round piece of paper with the words a round toit on it. Now I don't have an excuse to not do it. God will provide us with what we need to succeed. We just have to be willing to see that and use it. I am overweight because I keep making excuses to be. I am unhappy with myself because I choose to keep in my life what makes me unhappy. I am tired because I don't use the gym God gave me for free to feel better. I am what ever it is I am because of ME. We have the power to change our lives, and yet we choose to stay bound to the things that keep us miserable. I want things to be different in my life, so what am I waiting for? ME! Everything I need to make a difference in my life is right before me, all I have to do is reach for it and make the change. It's like the words from Michael Jackson's song, If you want to make this world a better place take a look in the mirror and make a change. It is the beginning of a new year, and we have the opportunity to change our lives and those around us so what are we waiting for? I have always been afraid of failure. Afraid to start something because I may fail. But, by not even trying I have failed. And the bible says that fear is not of the Lord. If I have Him, then I can accomplish what it is I need to do. It may not be in the end what I thought it would be, but it will be what God wanted it to be. I may not have gone where I needed to go, but I ended up where God wanted me to be. Oh how we make the way long. Give your problems to the Lord and He will help you. Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I pray that what ever it is you need, you let God help you. And pray the same for me. Let's stand with the Lord to accomplish what it is we need in our lives.

Be Blessed, Uylonda